Not in a Million Years.....

 Have you ever wondered why Church people go to Church? For years I asked this question. I know what I had seen and experienced in years past, but what really do you get out of it, and why on earth would you ever want to go twice a week?  My brother and I had this conversation several years ago. "You don't go for anyone but yourself. You get out of it exactly what you want," he said. Two years ago I would come up with every excuse in the book not to go and the reality is, they were not lies, I'm too busy, not a fan of the churches close to home, I work with the horses on Sunday, I don't want to get up early and have to rush around to get my barn chores done then get dressed to go to church, etc.... the list goes on and on.  The other factor is the Church People themselves. (here is where the remark "You don't go for anyone but yourself" comes into play).  Church people are nice to your face, they are hypocritical, etc etc etc. We had a long debate about Church people in general. Now I am a live and let live kinda gal. I can talk to anyone, or nothing, the point is I have no problem in a group of complete strangers. What I do have a problem with is sitting still and being quiet for long periods of time. Church to me was almost like punishment, at least the Churches that I had always tried. They were not bad churches, the people were not particularly ugly or unkind to me, but I found the Churches lacked life. Everyone in the congregation was quiet. I mean hear a pin drop quiet. Except the choir, they always had their songs picked out from the red book in the pews that you would sing along too. That part was nice, it didn't particularly touch me in any prophetic way, but it was nice. At the end of service you had your standard pleasantries from a member or two. Most of the time nice but more often than not removed and distant. Does any of this sound familiar?  If it does then hang on it's about time to get some Worship On!


So where am I going with all of this, you ask....

Fast Forward to last week, it suddenly hit me, I had the answers to all of those Churchy questions that had baffled me for years. Never in a Million Years, would I have thought I would be one of THOSE people that went to church every week or *gasp* twice a week. I mean really, my life is much to busy to fit in Church twice a week... the horrors of dragging myself and sitting through two services the very thought made me cringe. *Now chuckling to myself* I realized this is no longer the case. (God is chuckling too, I am convinced he has a sense of humor).  Sure I am just as busy, probably even more so than before, and I love it. God has BLESSED me in SO MANY WAYS over the last two years. (I don't believe God gloats, but if he does this would be the moment he says "Told YA"). My daily life includes a full time job with an hour commute each way, a horse farm where we do guided trail rides, lessons, and rehabilitate off the track thoroughbreds (current horse count 18), a teenage daughter, a relationship with a wonderful man, and a family who gets together often. Even with all of this Church has become my center. Well really God is my center but the Church and it's people are a holy body. You don't just "GO TO CHURCH, YOU ARE THE CHURCH" this is paraphrased from a quote I recently read.  "The holiest moment of the church service is the moment when God’s people—strengthened by preaching and sacrament—go out of the church door into the world to be the church. We don’t go to church; we are the church." ~Canon Ernest Southcott

Going to Church is not a want, it is a NEED. It is what feeds my very spirit. It is what keeps the quadrants of my life balanced. Personal Life, Career, Family, and Financial, God is the nucleus that keeps these in balance. It was not always this way. Sure I prayed..... when I needed something. Sometimes I prayed just to say "Dude REALLY? Why are you doing this to me. (yes I really just called God Dude. Hey I am being open and honest.) I prayed when someone else needed something, but I am not really sure I prayed to say thank you. I am positive that I did not always give God the glory for all the Blessings he has given me. I just took it for granted that it "was what it was."

All of this truly came to light just last week. It truly hit me like a ton of bricks. I had to miss church last Thursday because of a time sensitive project at work. When I realized I was going to miss Thursday service it really, I mean REALLY bummed me out.  It actually put me in a funk. I find that our mid-week service rejuvenates me. I leave work every day  mentally tired. It is the nature of the work I do. All I want to do most days is shut off my mind at 5pm, however on Thursdays it is like new life, a positive loving life is being breathed into me. Sundays are the same way. I need that time to recharge, to let all the negative things be placed aside. These moments in God's presence with these people, give me hope and strength to face this world and its challenges. It teaches me to focus on what is important, LOVE. Then we have Sundays which usually proceeds an extremely busy Saturday. This Saturday was no exception, at the end of the day that little negative voice was saying... sleep in Sunday you need to sleep in. Then Sunday rolls around and I realize I don't want to sleep in, I NEED my Sunday Church. As I was driving to church I was excited, truly excited. Sunday service allows my emotional and spiritual gas tank to be refilled and recharge so that I can take on week ahead.

Thursday service brings the people of the Bible to life. Pastor Debbie puts you in the middle of the action. I learn about the people in the Bible and their thought processes. She explains the bible in real world descriptions, applies it to our day to day life. Shows us the turmoil, conflicts, love and miracles that are in each book of the Bible. There is no taking out of context, no hidden agenda in her teachings. This is truly a woman of God. She will be the first to tell you she is human, makes mistakes, and that sometimes her type A personality is her own worst enemy. Even with all of that  she is teaching others and sharing a gift that God has given her to bring the living breathing word of the Bible into the hearts of others. She doesn't just preach it she lives it.

 Then there are the people at Church. The genuine LOVING, CARING, THOUGHTFUL, people that are in my Church. These are people who even when they didn't know me prayed for me, prayed for my family and prayed for my healing after my accident.  They don't care if I am in my Sunday best, work clothes, workout clothes, or barn clothes, they are just happy I am there. I have shown up in all of these clothes at some point... well with the exception of workout clothes, one has to work out to show up in such attire.  ;) These are people that reach out when I miss a day of church to ask if I am OK.  These people are my people. They love genuinely love, love of Christ, love of life and love of each other. They care not about your economic status, or what part of town you are from. They don't care if you are Black, White, Latino, Asian, or what language you speak. YOU will be welcomed with a smile, a handshake, and more than likely a hug if you let them. :)  They will pray for you and with you. They will lend a helping hand whenever with whatever they can.

Sundays, let me tell you about some Sundays. Sundays are a special time, as I realized in so many ways this past Sunday. Time to get some Worship On. A time of true honest to God Worship and Praise. I can't remember a Sunday since coming to Hope Community Church that didn't touch me somehow. I truly believe that Bishop Paul Lanier hears the word of God and he preaches that word to us. The Praise Team/Choir sings INCREDIBLE music that will touch even the darkest recesses of your heart. This is not a quiet church, we will raise the roof. If you are on the outside listening I can assure you we are loud enough you might think you were at a sporting event.  You will not find the red book of hymns under the seat in front of you. The alter is always open for prayer or praise. You will NEVER PRAY ALONE. Someone will always pray with you. You can pray in your seat, pray in the aisle, or pray at the alter. Even if you have never been to Hope, someone will be praying right there beside you. You can praise the same way. Raise you hand, raise your voice, sit quietly and observe, it is all welcome at Hope Community. Our congregation creates an atmosphere of worship that is an incredible experience. I ALWAYS leave on Sundays with such renewed feeling of Love and Hope. Like I can take on the world. Bishop encourages each of us to minister to others in the natural gifts that God gave us. It is not enough to just pray. You must actively pursue the gifts God has given you to minister to others. You must live in God's word, not preach his word. Show people who you are by your actions and good deeds, not by your words.

 Let me leave you with the MOST important thing...... Find the church that is RIGHT for you. It might not be mine but then again it just might. If you are in a church that doesn't speak to you, then you are missing God's message to you. You aren't receiving God's FULLEST BLESSINGS for your life, like Bishop has said on more than one occasion, "DON'T MISS YOUR BLESSING BY PRAYING AT THE WRONG ALTER."  Your church, whichever type you choose, needs to fill you emotionally and spiritually. It is not about preaching from the Bible word for word. It is about delivering the living breathing word of God, it is about YOU learning to apply that breathing word into your daily life. To live it wholly and spiritually, and when you make mistakes don't get discouraged. We are all human and make mistakes. We all have days and seasons that are tough and that test our emotional mettle. This is where Faith comes in. Especially days where that little negative voice says, I don't feel like it today, I am too busy, maybe next week. Let next week be this week. I will be the first to tell you I didn't need a church, I prayed to God in my own way in my own time. What I needed it the right church, and so do you.  :)

Church moments allow me to wholly and emotionally recharge, gain perspective, push out the negative, refuel with the positive, learn about God, Praise God, and learn what gifts he has given me to make this world just a little bit better to live in for OTHER PEOPLE...  Yep I said it, OTHER PEOPLE. You will find nothing more fulfilling in your life than praying for someone else, giving someone else an encouraging word, or helping someone else in a time of need. This I PROMISE you!  It is not enough to pray you must DO.

 Matthew West has a song out that says that puts it in perspective DO SOMETHING
"I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t You do something?”
He said, “I did, I created you” "It's time for us to DO SOMETHING" 

To do something you need to learn how, you need to arm yourself with the proper tools, your emotional and spiritual armory must be full in order to battle the negative of our daily lives. Sure you can do try to do things on your own, but why would you? Again there is strength in numbers. You don't have to always have the skills you just have to be willing to take the first step, to have a little FAITH.
 God's got this!  <3 +

LOVE, JOY, and BLESSINGS

As this evening comes to a close the house is fairly quiet. Don and Jake have hidden themselves away in the Man Cave to play whatever newest game was gotten for Christmas. Genna has just finished bathing Indy, our dog, since she decided to roll in something very dead and wants to sleep inside tonight. Casey and Alan have headed back to Charlotte. Last night we had dinner with our surrogate barn family. Today we have visited 3 houses of family, covering full circle through 6 counties in our travels. I was discussing in the car while traveling today the Christmas of old. Where we would as kids travel to see both sets of grandparents Christmas eve until the wee hours and then spend Christmas at home with mom and dad. As we grew older and our Grandparents passed away... MAN how I miss them, our holiday ritual changed. Instead of traveling to the Grandparents we would have all of dad's family down for Christmas Eve and have the family day on Christmas day with Mom's family that afternoon.
Last year all of that changed..... with the growth of the extended family and the passing of three of my Uncles in the span of just a couple of years the extended family felt it was too much to all try and get together on Christmas Eve.  I grumble about those days, the driving, the work , and all that went into making it come together, but the reality of it is.... It makes you realize just how precious family is. The joy it brings to my parents face to be able to spend one more holiday with all the kids and grand kids. The love I see in Margie to have her only son and granddaughter in the house together and have breakfast. The Love we all feel once we are there sitting enjoying the fellowship of our parents, siblings, cousins, nephews, aunts and uncles alike. To visit with people you haven't seen in some instances years. These are the true Blessings of the season.

I am extremely blessed for so many reasons. I have been able to spend Christmas with my healthy daughter, where as some parents have a child fighting for their lives. I was able to spend Christmas with both of my brothers, where some have lost a sibling this year. I have been able to spend Christmas with both of my parents this year, where some of my dearest friends have lost a parent this year. I have been able to spend Christmas with my boyfriend, Don, where some have lost a spouse or significant other. God has blessed me with my family and my friends. Our Christmases are filled with Love, Joy, and a fair share of good natured squabbling, well because we are a family of smart a$$es but we love each other fiercely.

I have my health and the health of my family, for that I am very blessed. Each day the good Lord gives me is a day to rejoice his name. I pray for those who are battling illnesses right now. I see so many that are battling for just another day of life. I pray that God heals them. I pray for their families, I can't imagine what that must be like and in all honesty I hope I never do.

It warms my heart to see so many of my friends be able to spend time with their families during this season. I am lucky in that sometimes my family gets together for no reason at all, randomly throughout the year. I enjoy seeing the Love this time of year brings out in people. As this year comes to a close it brings with it a new chapter and new beginnings for so many of my friends.

I close this CHRISTmas day with a prayer that all of my friends and family feel the LOVE and the JOY that I feel each time we are together. Whether it be CHRISTmas day, a morning breakfast in the middle of the month, a text message at random times of day, a phone call, a lunch midweek to catch up, time spent at the barn for some horse therapy, or on Sunday mornings and Thursday evenings gathered in Church.

God has BLESSED me beyond my wildest dreams. Not with fame and certainly not with fortune but with items that no money or fame can buy. The LOVE of so many people and the JOY they bring to my life.

I hope everyone has had a BLESSED CHRISTmas!!!

The Circle of the Seasons-- Life on the Jumping H

Sometimes ideas for my blogs hit me at the oddest times. I just never know when inspiration will strike. This strange burning need to cataloge my thoughts for others to read.. or not read, or maybe roll your eyes, "saying there she goes again." Really though it is for my own amusement. A creative outlet for that side of my brain that is rarely used.

Today was one of those moments. Sitting on my porch in my quilted zip up mechanic suit, complete with thermals, winter socks, muck boots, my -40 gloves (which by the way ARE NOT) and my cool new little kerrits winter knit hat that Don says makes my head look like an acorn, boom inspiration hits. There was a reprieve in the rain, I look over the farm and notice the silence. The silence of the horses quietly munching hay in their stalls, the dogs curled up in their igloo kennel bed inside the barn. The cats are curled up in the hay. This is one of those rare moments when there are no people around. No boarders, lesson students, or trail riders. This is wintertime on the Jumping H. The quiet season. It is the season when the cold comes. When only the hardiest of riders come to spend time with their horses. When riding means grooming through caked dirt of the fuzzy winter coat just to remember what color your horse really is. The slugging out through the wet and the cold, feeding morning and evening in the dark. Waiting for that break in the weather when the ground isn't frozen solid to get in a 30 minute ride before hands and feet go numb just because you have a day of sunshine. Wintertime when you have to drain every water hose EVERY time because in NC it can be 65 degrees at noon and 25 degrees by 5 o'clock. Frozen water hoses suck. Wintertime when those fair weather horse lovers don't come to visit. This is the time that I reflect. I admit this is not my favorite season, in fact it is my least favorite. I would even go so far as to say I detest winter. I don't like being cold, the cold rain, the ice, snow or the mud. Especially the mud. Mud gets caked in places on a horse that you never thought possible.
It is in this season, Wintertime, the toughest season of horse ownership that separates those whose HOBBY is owning a horse and those whose PASSION is owning a horse. I admit I grumble and complain about the cold and wet and muck, but the reality is, I CHOSE THIS LIFE.  I LOVE IT, even in the wintertime. You know why, because I am living the life I have always wanted. The life I have always wanted for my children.

Wintertime gives way to spring. Spring means that the grass renews itself. The leaves on the trees begin budding. The mornings are still freezing but by noon you have shed your coat. You get just a little more ride time between spring rains. Those rains don't suck quite so bad because they are warm. It is thawing time. Now don't get me wrong there is still mud... OH IS THERE MUD!!!!  Not only is there mud but there is shedding season. For those non-horse people that means you goto the barn, still in your muck boots but you start out clean, you then leave not only with a fine sheen of mud dust but also enough horse hair to weave a sweater or 10. You spend the majority of your time grooming, a little of your time riding, to spend more time grooming. The up side is you are outside and you are not freezing. You are at the barn and not freezing. You are getting to ride your horse and not freezing. You can water your horse and the hose not be frozen. You can ride your horse and the ground is not frozen, muddy but not frozen. You are only wearing two layers of clothes instead of ten. Spring is the light at the end of a long cold, wet when it is not frozen, dark tunnel. This time of year is hit and miss for those fair weather "Hobby" Horse people. In the Spring time of the year there is almost as much work involved in up-keeping horses as wintertime without freezing to death.

Late spring into summer though the hustle and bustle of the farm starts in full swing. People come out of the wood work like bears out of their caves after a long winter hibernation. I admit I am out at the barn every waking moment I can be outside. My domestic duties towards my house go out the window and are relegated to those rainy days when I can't or don't want to be outside. The horses have shed 90% of their winter coats giving way to shiny glossy dapples. They are getting slick and sassy. We ride, ride, and more riding. There is almost always someone at the barn. Hobby and Passionate horse people alike converge to be with our four legged partners in crime. All through the summer and fall people come and go on the Jumping H. Lesson students, trail riders, boarders and anyone else who gets the notion they might want to ride a horse. This is the "busy season," but that's ok because you have plenty of help putting up hay completing barn chores or whatever other project you can dream up. From morning to evening there is always something happening on the Jumping H. The only quiet time you will find this time of year is the early morning hours. When the sun is just peaking up over the horizon. These are the times when I grab my cup of coffee after morning feeding chores and just bask in the beauty of what God has blessed me with in my life. I count them each and every day that this is the life I have been able to live. These are the quiet moments when I am rewarded with the fruits and harvest of the seeds I have planted. These are the moments that make all the frozen water tubs, muddy horses, feeding in the frozen rain not quite so bad. Don't get me wrong.. I still detest winter. I still grumble while I am dragging my butt out of a warm bed to go in the freezing rain or sleet to feed these beautiful majestic creatures that have stolen my heart.

It is all of those collective moments. When there is a reprieve in the cold winter rain, when I can look out over my farm and the frozen ground, when I am listening to my horses munching hay contently in their stalls out of the winter weather, this is when winter isn't quite so bad. God gives me those little moments. The reprieve from the storm, time for me to decompress and thank him again for the blessings in my life. The life that cannot always be sunshine and roses.

You can't truly appreciate the greenery of new life in the spring unless you have experienced the harsh frozen land that winter brings. You can't truly appreciate the warm longer summer days unless you experience the shorter darker colder days of the winter. As a horse lover you can't truly appreciate the slick glossy coats of these majestic creatures unless you have survived the winter mud and the shedding season of spring. It all comes full circle. Another circle of the seasons. Another year of living my dream and my passion. Do I expect everyone to understand? Certainly not! The reality is only the hardiest of passionate horse people will GET why I do what I do year in and year out. I have lived this life PURPOSELY since I was 13 years old. At 42 I am not about to give it up now. :)

The best I can offer my comrades in this crazy passion of ours is December 21 is the shortest day of the year and then the days get longer... minutes at a time but they get longer. To those of you who think I am 10 kinds of crazy for living this life.... It is ok I get it my advise to you, come see me in the spring. ;)

IT'S BEEN STOLEN..... in search of my missing JOY

Just wow.... For those of you close to me, you know it has been a tough few weeks. I have rarely posted things, responded or other wise engaged with the outside world unless forced. I tend to withdraw into myself during these times. It gives me time to reflect and regroup, well and to be honest about it, not drag anyone else into my cesspool of doom. I detest winter with a passion. I detest getting up in the dark and coming home from work in the dark. As I get older the cold affects me more. When I just physically can't be outside with the ponies except to care for their needs I get VERY cranky. They are my outlet, my sanity. Did I mention the rain, the cold miserable rain and the mud it creates.... Well I detest that too.
I haven't been able to even get into the Spirit of Christmas in which it was intended. I had so looked  forward to this year. We have found a Church we love and do tons of Christmas activities, however I just couldn't be around anybody except a select few. Even those people, who kind of have to love me didn't want to be around me. There was a very short list of people I even wanted to talk to, which is unusual for me.
I have done quite a bit of praying, more so than usual over the last few weeks, yesterday was my turning point. God and I had a very candid conversation in the car yesterday. (We have quite a few of those actually). I felt the need to tell him as if he didn't already know, that I was at my breaking point. I needed his light, I had been in the dark long enough.  My flesh is weak and my mind was very weary so very weary. I know he had a plan and I am sure that this was all part of it, but I was having a hard time bringing myself out of this funk. I was ready to crawl under the covers and not come out until spring. ( I am convinced I was supposed to be born a bear). 

After my very candid conversation ( I did all the talking). I get a text. "Called you. Are you Ok?" my daily brother call. So I called him back and unloaded my tale of loathing; the weather, cold, and yes even the lack of Christmas Spirit.  In typical brotherly fashion his response was, "If I can hold on for better days so can you. Don't let the devil win don't let him steal your joy. That is my peptalk for today, now I am off to pressure wash. Love you bye."  Well DAMN when you put it like that and well.....if you can go pressure wash in 40 degree weather after 3 solid days of rain and be happy, I guess I could try a little harder, hold on a little longer. After that 3 minute conversation the day was a little brighter. Later that evening as we usually do Genna and I went to Mom's to setup and decorate the tree. It ended up Don and both of my brothers were there. We all sat in the den and talked as a family, listened to Christmas Music, while Genna put the finishing touches on the Christmas tree. As I drove home last night a sense of peace washed over me. It was all going to be just fine stress and all. My JOY had not been stolen after all just misplaced for a bit. 

This morning I felt very different... I woke up with a renewed sense of Hope, Joy and Light. I stole a few minutes this morning just to thank God for my blessings and for listening to me yesterday. I wrote a few lines in my journal and when I checked my email this is the passage that was in my Daily Bible Reading. Just Wow.... how well did this hit home.

The Armor of God

 ¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. ¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. ¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

 
Well didn't those verses just hit the nail on the head of how I have been feeling. I know that this season to shall pass .... figuratively and literally. The stress of winter will give light to the birth of spring, but I can't let it steal the JOY of now, this season. A season of the birth of Jesus, a season of giving, a season of fellowship, a season of the true meaning of this blessed month. LOVE, HOPE, JOY, and FAMILY. I hope all of you reading this have a very Merry CHRISTmas. If you don't celebrate Christmas that is fine too. I hope you enjoy whatever holiday this is for you. I hope you celebrate the true meaning of the season. LOVE to ALL

A Glimpse of Genna's World

Dear Lord,

Thanks for the curve ball last night.... (note there is a bit of sarcasm but not much) I mean after all who better to explain the differences in Church Denominations to my almost 13 year old daughter but me.  NOT NOT NOT NOT.... *chuckle* REALLY??? Me explain the differences, the woman who not only did not grow up in a church, any church, but was exposed to some very fierce if not a little one sided theology which made me shy away from organized religion for the majority of my adult life until recently. 

So here is how the conversation started:

Genna: Mom what is the difference between Baptist, Methodist, Catholic, and Pentecostal. 

Me: Let's start with the similarities first.  They all believe that Jesus was the son of God, who died on the cross to absolve us of our sins and was resurrected from the tome.   (Halleluahhhh she did not throw in the Jewish religion at this point).

Genna: Ok I get that but what about the differences in what they believe as a church. 

This God is where I had to really think. Believe me at 8:30pm on a Thursday night after work, errands, and Church, the only thing going through my mind was the 45 things on my to do list before bed. Dissecting Church Denominations was NO WHERE on that to do list.  It was like being caught in school unprepared for a pop-quiz.  However the best I could, I explained some of the most common differences very surface level beliefs.  Praying all the while that I was not giving her misinformation or being particularly prejudice towards one denomination or another. I did however tell her that we needed to look up the differences together or consult someone that was WAY more qualified than me.  (Look out Bishop or Pastor Debbie a Theology conversation may be coming your way soon).  Upon reflection of this conversation I realized this was just a lead in to her more pressing and serious issues.

Here I thought the Church Denomination discussion was heavy enough.....

Genna: Mom there is a girl at my school (we will call her Jill) who wears the Pagan star/symbol around her neck. She dresses way different. (I could tell Genna was choosing her words carefully at this point)  I can't tell if that is what she really believes or not but I did ask her if that was the pagan symbol. Jill is nice enough but sometimes she just seems angry at the world, and I have another friend (we will call her Amy) who has started hanging out with Jill and I am worried about Amy.

OK WOW..... Curve ball between the eyes....Why can't these conversations come with like a warning light or prep time.  Just a little flashing light somewhere that means "Warning Warning Will Rogers, tread carefully your child is about to dump some serious life stuff on you." 

We continued this conversation discussing the implications of what Jill wearing, dressing and acting, and what it does truly mean.  I explained on the one hand her family may actually believe this way, and if that is the case do not judge what you don't understand. You can choose to believe or not believe but not judge. The more likely scenario however, is that she is probably trying to figure out her way in life and doesn't feel she has an adult that she can turn to. I see so many youth not finding their place or their way and the solution in their eyes is to totally go to the far end of the spectrum and go for SHOCK VALUE.  Attention is Attention good, bad, or indifferent. She may or may not have the support system of people who support,  love, and direct like you do. Then again she may just think the whole look is cool and doesn't really have anyone to explain what all of it really means or implies.  Until you know her full story, look past the cover. It may be the only protection she feels she has. The conversation then turned to Amy, who Genna has known since kindergarten that has started hanging out with Jill.

Genna: Mom Jill comes to school with dyed black hair with Red underneath it looks very very dramatic. I noticed that Amy has decided to dye the tips of her hair blue. Luckily she has dark hair so it just came out as almost Black.  I just don't want to see Amy move in that direction.

The working mind of an almost 13 year old girl is amazing. What amazes me most is that my daughter is not so self absorbed in her own little bubble at this age and is actually concerned about the welfare of these two other girls enough to ask me about it. Our conversation continued all the way home discussing the ins and outs of teenage life. The turmoil and tough decisions she will have to make to stay grounded in who the REAL GENNA is and be strong enough in her convictions to stand against opposition while being compassionate enough not to judge the differences of those around her.

God THANK YOU for the opportunity to have that conversation with my daughter. To allow me an "in" to tell her how proud I am of her. How strong her beliefs are and how they will carry her through life with your guidance. Thank you for each and every person you have allowed to cross her path. Those who have shown her your LOVE, STRENGTH, and SUPPORT.  Thank you for giving me the ability to have those conversations and giving me the right words to say. To live authentically. 

I also thank you for every young person you have allowed to cross my path. I hope and pray in some way I have touched their lives in a positive way. So many of them were not blessed enough to have a strong family unit to rely on. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to provide them with a safe haven at the farm. To let them enjoy the peace, serenity and joy of working with the horses, to enjoy nature as you intended. A place where they can think and talk about life if they choose and not be hindered by the weight of the world around their young hearts and souls.

Thank you for allowing me to be apart of something much bigger and more important than I could ever imagine or achieve on my own.

In Jesus name I pray AMEN.

Don't Get So Close to the Miracle That You Can't See It ~Paul Francis Lanier

  Words so simple yet such a powerful meaning in so many ways. Bishop Paul Lanier's father was referring to the miracle of the ministry his son was creating in Hope Community Church (As I understand it to be in it's infancy stages during their conversation.)

 "Don't Get So Close to the Miracle That You Can't See It." 


Dear Lord it has been on my heart since I was  a little girl to have this farm. Not only to have a horse farm but to make a difference with it. To bring children closer to nature and animals. To teach them life lessons that will carry them through their adult life. Adults who never had the opportunity Lord to experience the joy and love of a horse. To feel the softness of their muzzle against your cheek or feel the connection as you learn to control such a massive animal with harmony and grace. Lord I also want to make a difference to the animals. If only one at a time Lord please put opportunities in my path where I can change their life for the better. To educate the public Lord and to bring people and animals in need of healing together. I heard your word "Don't get so close to the Miracle you can't see it," I know those words were meant for me. It took me a while to see that while my childhood dream is coming to fruition (not nearly as quick as I would like) You are working in my life Lord and I am doing your will. I get such joy and peace out of every person I teach, every person that I can help and educate. To teach them that these great creatures are not a commodity to be used and discarded but great creatures created by you. That to bond with one of these precious animals is like no other feeling on earth. Thank you Lord for the blessings you have provided me with and the opportunities that have presented themselves along the way. From the old cow farm with some broken down chicken houses to the horse farm that has been established. Where people and animals alike can come and breath a sigh of relief as the Drama of their Past is left behind them. Thank you Lord for bringing people like Bishop Lanier and Pastor Debbie in my life to teach me about you and how to be closer to you Lord. I know that I may not always get it Right but I do try to at least travel down the Right Path. Lord I know you will continue to work your miracles in my life and point me in the direction of YOUR WILL. I can only believe Lord that this is the Direction YOU have chosen because it brings my heart such peace to do good in this way. Please continue to give me the strength to power through the opposition of the people who do not support me. The people that continually try and bring negativity into my life as a result of this. As I continue to breath your spirit of Love and Kindness into me Lord please continue to guide me towards the greatness you have chosen for me. I know that in my heart through you and the incredible people you are introducing into my life I am destined to do great works through you. Patience Lord is not now or has it ever been a virtue of mine, but you know that, I believe you continue to remind me that your will works in your time, not mine. I continue to see the Extraordinary things that you are doing in other people's lives and I have to take a step back to remind myself that your plan for me is different. That while the paths will cross and intertwine there is a divine reason for everything you do.

I have taken those few steps back Lord I have seen the Miracle you are creating through me. I see it everyday in the beautiful daughter you have gifted me with. Watching her ride and grow into a young lady and equestrian athlete making good life choices that will bring her closer to you. Watching the aged paint horse, Rocky, that you blessed me with 17 years ago build the confidence of a young rider one day, an adult rider the next. I see it on the faces of the teenage girls that have shown him over the years teaching them how to jump. Seeing their smiles when their names called out placing in the ribbons. For the incredible Arabian gelding, Tonka, you brought into our lives after Genna's precious Reba pony was laid to rest and for her move up horse Georgia that you brought back into my life years after selling her. The other horses Lord you have put in my path, the neglected, aged and unwanted who all have something to offer. Help me to continue to teach these young ladies that currently ride with me that are willing to REALLY work for the chance to ride and learn about the passion of loving horses, the dedication that it takes. Lord please continue to bless me with these little miracles which make me who you want me to be. Please continue to bring people into my life that will teach me what it really means to live authentically in the word of Jesus Christ. The loving breathing spirit of your generous giving nature. Thank you Lord for my friends and family for supporting me in what some call a crazy money pit endeavour. That they know and understand the joy and peace it brings me to raise my daughter in such and environment. An environment Lord that teaches the true meaning of what it means to live authentically in you. I have heard this verse many times in the past months. "No one lights a lamp and then Puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, Let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will PRAISE your Heavenly Father."  ~Matthew 5:15:16  

Every good deed I have done Lord is because you have brought it to my heart to be done. You have always provided a way and the means Lord even when I didn't think I could do it....for this I thank you. Please continue to use me to shine your light so that I may show others your greatness.

 I promise Lord to take a moment each day and look at the continued Miracles you create in my life and especially in the lives of others. It all begins Lord by taking those first few steps to follow you. In Jesus name I am glad I did.  Amen

GETTING MY JESUS ON...

"You know we go wayyy back so I have to ask, When did you get so Jesus-y?"  This was a text message received from one of my oldest and dearest friends in the world this week. She and I grew up together all through school 4th grade up, roomed in college, after college, stood in each others wedding party and can pick up the phone every day or twice a year and never miss a beat. The kind of friend that you tell secrets to, the one you do things with that will get you in trouble... IF you get caught. She is that kind of friend. "Was it because of your accident?" she asked.  Let me tell you this is not something I could even begin to answer in a text message but it did get me thinking.....

For the record I have always believed in God and Jesus. That is the way I grew up, not in church per say but believing there is a greater being than what I can see, touch, taste, feel, in living flesh. This was not the deep in touch faith going to church every time the doors were open or even on Easter in Christmas. I was a closet believer. I didn't proclaim my faith publicly, nor would I argue or even debate with people about religion. I am a firm believer you don't debate what you don't know or what you don't quite understand. That was me the closet pray-er. Most of my praying was generic. Protection and safety for family and friends, forgiveness, but mostly I have always prayed to understand how to deal with daily life. People always say tragedy or life milestones will either shake your faith or bring you closer. I have dealt with both of these. In my adult life I struggled with organized religion. Please understand I had never actually read the Bible and couldn't quote a Bible verse if my life had depended on it but one thing always held true for me to believe in God and Jesus you; DON'T JUDGE someone you know nothing about, even if you do know something it is not your place, YOU GIVE of YOURSELF with no expectation of reciprocity and you LOVE FIERCELY.  This is fundamental whether you believe in Jesus or not. This is how EVERYONE should live their life. Do I always get this right, of course not, I still don't but I strive for it.

Several years ago I was having a discussion with my daughter in the car, let me tell you a child will put it in black and white for you really quickly. We had discussed right and wrong many times over her young life but I believe she was about 7 at this point and she asked, "Mommy if somebody does something and they know it is a sin and they ask for forgiveness, but keep doing it doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of trying to live your life the way you are supposed to?"  YEAH try answering that one with NO religious background what so ever. I don't remember my answer exactly because I am pretty sure I could not answer it. I do know that is when I decided I needed to grow in my faith. It was apparent to me that my daughter was only going to ask tougher questions if this is what I was getting at 7years old.

Still not a big fan of organized religion at least where we live I reached out to some friends who had been in church all their lives for some direction. This is when they suggested I look online for Andy Stanley and start with some of his preachings and teachings. I am here to tell you if you have never been to a Church you felt at home in but have questions about the Bible and the beliefs that it teaches Andy Stanley at NorthPoint Ministries http://www.northpoint.org/ is a good place to start.  They have an amazing ministry! Who knew you could feel at home online at a church 2 states away.  I began to crave more knowledge. Several things stuck with me while listening to him.

One particular sermon stuck with me. I am paraphrasing part of this so please forgive me....

The word Christian only appears 3 times in the Bible. First Century Christians didn't call themselves Christians it was a derogatory term used by outsiders to describe the followers of Jesus. Christians called themselves Disciples...

OK WOW  now when you are as ignorant of the Bible as I am this really stood out. Really only 3 times???  Then he went on....

"Disciple" is an intimidating word because it's defined. It means a student, apprentice, adherent, or follower. A disciple learns and grows by obeying and imitating his or her master.  So what does a Disciple of Jesus look like. I challenge you to look up the book of  John 13:34-35 in a bible. If you don't have one go online I will even give you a link. http://www.biblegateway.com/  this is a GREAT way to learn about different verses. I will give you a hint.. It deals with LOVING one another.

He went on to preach "When Christians truly and faithfully try to live like disciples of Christ outsiders look at them and wonder. "Look at the way they love, Look how they honor their women and children, the elderly and the sick, Look how generous they are. That kind of love can change the world."

This man wasn't preaching at me he was teaching me how I should live my life, how I wanted my daughter to live her life. My friends whether you believe in God or Jesus or neither shouldn't we all live this way??  The second thing Andy Stanley would continue to mention in his teachings was that Church wasn't about being in the Rows. Meaning it isn't just about showing up at the church for service. It was about what they called small groups. Smaller groups of Church members getting together to be there for one another during seasons of your life. The third and probably the most important thing is he encouraged people watching online and listening to his sermons through web cast to get involved in a LOCAL church. Get involved in a local church that gets involved in the community.

AGAIN WOW... Here is a man with a HUGE ministry thousands of members telling me that not only was he happy that I was tuning in but the Church is more than a sermon and I needed to find a church home. I wasn't sure I was ready for all of that. I continued to watch his sermons and his teachings. Still though at this point I was still the closet prayer. I only spoke about what I was learning with others that well already knew. Those who were open to discuss my questions with me, but certainly by no means ready to announce my faith to everyone.  What would they say?  How would everyone react? Would it start a huge debate? Would I lose friends?  These were all questions that stuck in my mind, until my accident.

Fast forward to December 12, 2012,  for those of you who don't know me I had an accident where I severed the tips of my three middle fingers down to the first joint. If you just shuddered don't worry most people do. It usually follows with them gripping their hand and going OW that must of hurt... I can laugh about it now but let me tell you why.

It is strange how life can throw you a curve ball and well you can either swing and miss, swing and hit it out of the park, or get hit up side the head. I think this one hit me. :)  This accident was detrimental to everything I cared about. It was life changing but more importantly life affirming. Here I was being told they didn't know how this would turn out, that I would probably need at least two surgeries and possibly three. All I could think about was my family and Don and how worried they must be. My only thought was to reassure them I would be fine.  My first and only prayer through this entire accident "God give me the strength I need to get through this."  That is all I asked for.

When did I get so Jesus-y? ( I will save that text message forever it makes me smile)  It was my first day home. I have never had so many profess prayers on my behalf. People of people, family of people I have never met prayed for me. Co-workers, Horsey Friends, Family, and people I just know in passing offering to help Don, Genna, and me get through this tragedy.  Food poured in food of the likes I have never seen. So much food that we didn't have to cook for a good 8 weeks. Let me let you in on a secret. If you wished me well and sent me good thoughts, "News flash, you were praying for me" Just sayin..

When did I get so Jesus-y?  The first time I stepped into Hope Community Church by my brother's invitation and people whom I have never met came up and hugged me and said "We have all been praying for you. You have been such an inspiration to us"   Who me, inspiration for what????

When did I get so Jesus-y? The second time I attended Hope Community Church and the choir moved me to tears. Inspired me to walk to the front of the church in front of people I didn't know, bow down on the alter to ask God to  "Guide me toward your will for my life and I will have the faith to follow." I had found my local church home. http://www.hopecommunitychurch.tv/

When did I get so Jesus-y?  The very first time I had communion at church, Bishop and Pastor Debbie pulled me to them and said "We want to pray for you that God fully heals you" Now I know it wasn't just my hand they were praying for.

When did I get so Jesus-y?  My final visit to the Occupational Therapist after he kicked me to the curb and said "I never thought you would get that much strength back." My final visit to the Surgeon when he said.. "Never in a million years would I have imagined you would heal this well, as bad as your hand was mangled and only with ONE Surgery."   I did give him his props for being an amazing surgeon and I will shout Dr. Johnsons praises from the roof tops but he had some help. :)

So you see after all is said and done I CHOOSE to "GET MY JESUS ON" everyday. Without the LOVE, SUPPORT, GIVING and CARING of so many people Christians and Non-Christians alike praying for the healing strength of God's Love I would not be in the same place I am now. I can not explain the peace this brings to my life. To be still in his presence to learn about his word strengthens my daily resolve. The people I have met through all of this warms my heart.

God timing is always perfect. He will never set us up to fail but we must have faith in his will for us. I have chosen to believe and to openly profess my love for Jesus.

Please feel free to share this if you like. Hopefully you too can  "GET YOUR JESUS ON"